Writer: Life sucks.

American writer: Why aren’t you rich yet?

British writer: Has the Queen noticed you yet?

German writer: How many people die in it?

Italian writer: Is it about love?

French writer: Writing does not exist.

Canadian writer: I don’t want to talk about my writing.

Mexican writer: I want to go for a swim.

South African writer: Don’t come near me.

Nigerian writer: Yes, please, I am a Nigerian writer.

Irish writer: What do you want?

Scottish writer: Die!

Spanish writer: It is a long story.

Alaskan writer: I’m dying.

Chinese writer: This thing I do, it is not really writing.

Japanese writer: I should not begin.

Korean writer: You know Korea?

Persian writer: It is a sad story.

Iraqi writer: I will begin at the beginning.

Jewish writer: Oy!

Cornish writer: These spirits demand sacrifice.

Austrian writer: No I am not a German writer.

Turkish writer: I write in stone.

Egyptian writer: How much are going to pay me?

Greek writer: Who are you?

Serbian writer: I don’t want to talk about it.

Russian writer: It is winter.

Swedish writer: Please don’t.

Norwegian writer: Yes.

Finnish writer: Well, if you insist.

Danish writer: I keep my ink cold.

Polish writer: The gods fly over my head.

Mongolian writer: Ai!

Vietnamese writer: Now I will begin.

Cambodian writer: You like writing?

Australian writer: It’s not what you think.

Tasmanian writer: I am lost.

Kiwi writer: I might slip.

Hawaiian writer: Ha ha ha!

California writer: You got it.

New York writer: Tell me about it.

Texas writer: Fuck you.

Mississippi writer: I’m tired.

Puerto Rican writer: What am I doing here?

Dominican Republic writer: You forgot.

Haitian writer: I am remembering.

Florida writer: Fuck your mother!

New Jersey writer: Not now.

Minnesota writer: . . .

Boston writer: Get out of here.

Maine writer: Let’s go for a swim.

Iceland writer: I shall sit for a spell.

Native American writer: You don’t want to hear about it.

Indian writer: I am not really a writer.

Pakistani writer: Listen to me!

Sri Lankan writer: Things are happening again.

Saudi writer: I forget.

Somali writer: Let me tell you all about it.

Palestinian writer: These things go in circles.

Lebanese writer: Have a drink.

Albanian writer: Who, us?

Portuguese writer: I love you.

Moroccan writer: I love you back.

Cuban writer: Now things are ending.

Jamaican writer: I thought you might come over.

American writer: I am the only writer that exists.

Canadian writer: It’s not so bad.

Mexican writer: Death is god.

Swedish writer: Don’t talk about god.

Norwegian writer: I saw god one time.

Greenland writer: It was us!

Iceland writer: Ha ha ha!

American writer: When will I be famous?

Greek writer: Ha ha ha!

Italian writer: What’s so funny?

Greek writer: Ha ha ha!

American writer: Ha ha ha!

Mexican writer: Ha ha ha!

American writer: It’s not funny.

Mexican writer: Yes it is.

Canadian writer: Ha ha ha!

Russian writer: One must make allowances for these things.

Ukrainian writer: Ha ha ha!

Mongolian writer: Ha ha ha!

Chinese writer: Ha ha ha!

Japanese writer: I understand, it is funny.

Korean writer: Ha ha ha!

Australian writer: These natives, they can joke! Ha ha ha!

Aborigine writer: Ha ha ha! So can you. Ha ha ha!

Kiwi writer: Ha ha ha!

Maori writer: You think it’s funny?

Hawaiian writer: Ha ha ha!

Filipino writer: We love you.

American writer: We love you too.

Filipino writer: Not as much as we love you.

British writer: Oh, get over it.

Irish writer: Sure, tell them again.

Northern Irish writer: I have a book in my closet.

Irish writer: In your what?

Icelandic writer: He knows what to do with it.

Swedish writer: I can see that this will be important.

Ukrainian writer: Ha ha ha!

Russian writer: No.

Chinese writer: Ha ha ha!

Taiwanese writer: This is the sea.

Indonesian writer: I am about to speak.

Aborigine writer: These things are words.

Tasmanian writer: Is it really necessary?

Kiwi writer: Please.

California writer: We’ll give it to you if you want.

British writer: Oh, come on.

California writer: No, really.

Mexican writer: I have arrived.

Basque writer: I have not!

French writer: Perhaps I should sing.

Swiss writer: Or not.

Hungarian writer: La la la la la!

Romanian writer: Shut UP!

Bulgarian writer: Hush, I’m writing.

Montenegro writer: Oh, this writing.

Czech writer: You are already in my story.

Polish writer: I knew it.

German writer: What?

Dutch writer: They’re telling you you’re an idiot.

German writer: But I am an idiot.

Dutch writer: Ha ha ha!

British writer: What are they laughing about this time?

Welsh writer: My food.

English writer: If you insist.

Welsh writer: I do.

Scottish writer: Or maybe you don’t.

Icelandic writer: I’m pretty sure he does.

Scottish writer: Ha ha ha!

Greenland writer: I have a dream.

Inuit writer: This is the beginning.

Alaskan writer: Not again!

Kenyan writer: It’s about time.